foxinsnow's Diaryland Diary

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weight watchers

I've been thinking about P a lot lately. I wonder if that mean letter I wrote him after he dumped me was really necessary-- but at the time, I was really hurt, and it felt necessary then, so I guess it was. He has a new girlfriend now, which shouldn't bother me since I've been in three relationships and three other "non-relationship" relationships since P and I broke up, but it does bother me. He's lost a lot of weight, I hear, since when I lost saw him... I guess he's just in a better place in his life when we dated, and so am I, to be honest.

He's on myspace. I've been toying with the idea of sending him a message, but I'm either too chicken-shit or too smart to do it. Here's what I'd say if I did:

Dear P,
I know it must be strange to hear from me after all this time, but I've been thinking of you. Not in a romantic way-- I know you have a new girlfriend and I myself have dated lots of guys since we broke up-- but just as a person. I have to be honest with you, I don't regret expressing the sentiments in that letter I sent you, as much as it hurt you-- at the time I thought it was necessary. But I do regret one thing: I said that you just thought of me as a piece of ass. I know, and I knew then, that's not true. I think you're a really good person, and I regret that things ended the way they did. That's all.

The only way I feel justified in writing to him is if I fully apologize for the letter I sent him, which, as I've said a couple times now, I don't regret. I won't lie here... he hurt me a lot, and maybe the whole experience led him to be more successful in his life now, who knows?

New topic. I went to my first Weight Watchers meeting tonight. I weigh 148 lbs. I felt really good there. After the meeting, I worked out for a 1/2 hour. Weight Watchers recommends exercising for 30 minutes every day. When I came home, I had a couple slices of chees (bad! I'll have to buy soy cheese tomorrow), a glass of orange juice, a fat-free fudgesicle, and a bowl of Grape Nuts (in 2% milk... I'm definitely buying skim milk tomorrow). I'm not going to start recording what I eat until tomorrow. Hopefully, I'll get myself out of bed in time to cash a check, and then head over to a meeting at 9 am right near a Whole Foods in a nearby town. I want to buy their strawberry smoothie mix. I also should get some frozen yogurt.

9:53 p.m. - 2005-04-25

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