foxinsnow's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- my life in a nutshell I had no reason to be that sad at twelve. I was thin (which is a blessing from the gods when you're a twelve-year-old girl), pretty, a good dancer, a good writer, it was summer. I had jobs babysitting. But I didn't have a boyfriend. I was twelve years old and I was depressed about not having a boyfriend. I thought, "Surely I'll have a boyfriend by the time I'm fifteen." Well... I got into my first real relationship a week before my sixteenth birthday. I'd kissed, I'd been asked out. But this was the real deal. And I wasn't going to blow it. In my effort to not blow it, I turned into the most dutiful, simpering little girlfriend I could be. And it backfired. My life until my major manic episode in 1998 was one big series of major disappointments. Sex was a disappointment. High school was a disappointment. RISD was a disappointment. And then when THAT happened, it was like, "Hey, girl, you better stop measuring everything up to what you want it to be." It taught me to accept things the way they are. Would I have chosen this path for myself? Hell, no. And my life now is DEFINTELY not what it was supposed to be. I'm not with the love of my life. I live with my parents. But I don't care anymore. "So why am I so lonely, why am I so tired, I need backup, I need company, I need to be inspired..." -ani 10:47 p.m. - 2005-04-02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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