foxinsnow's Diaryland Diary

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nightmares

I have been having nightmares almost literally every night since K killed himself. This afternoon, I dreamed that I was Diane Arbus (a famous photographer who also killed herself) and that I was sitting with my (her) husband in the middle of a huge paper mache birthday cake surrounded by a pool filled with swimming children. I dreamed that I accidentally set the birthday cake on fire with my cigarette (Arbus didn't smoke, but I do) and my husband and I escaped but most of the children were killed. I don't know precisely what Freud or Jung would have to say about that dream, but I don't believe in psychoanalysis anyway. I don't even know that I think dreams "mean" anyway, except I do know that if you're having nightmares every night it "means" something is generally fucked up in your head, in your life, or both (the latter of which usually being the case). I'm going to ask my therapist about what I can do about my nightmares... I doubt my psychopharmacologist can do anything, and anyhow I don't want to change around my drugs right now.

10:27 p.m. - 2004-09-27

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