foxinsnow's Diaryland Diary

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the holidays

it's hard knowing people who should be around for the holidays, but they aren't.

I don't mean they're not in your country or state or something, I mean they're just gone. and they died way, way way too young.

thanksgiving was only the beginning. It comes and goes, but I have been thinking about J a lot this weekend, especially because i found his guitar pick in my room. and especially because it was thanksgiving.

he wasn't even my brother. but, it sort of seemed like he was.

It's like Valentine's Day when you don't have a boyfriend. Only times infinity. that's what the holidays are like when you've lost someone, someone so young.

I really hate to say it, but it's gonna kind of suck this year. there's so much more I could say, but I want to post this as an entry people can read. Just as a heads up to my friends, like, "I might not be all smiles and full of good cheer and good will to men this year."

It's gonna really hit me hard that he's gone when he's not there for xmas eve like he always was.

It's not like I won't enjoy seeing my brother, who I love to death and never get to see because he's living in San Francisco. It's just, this horrible feeling is gonna come and go, that's all, and even though he wasn't my brother, that's how I feel, and I'm not ashamed.

11:14 p.m. - 2003-12-01

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