foxinsnow's Diaryland Diary

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Kevin

That time of darkness
That time of death
Death sings a sad song
Tonight
A song of longing

I could just sit at your grave and chain smoke, would that put an end to this?
Dead grass parched by the July sun
Whispering at my knees
As I sit there Indian style
not even the sound of a car going by
a bird rarely chirping
under that white yellow silent sun

I am going on with my life
But for awhile I felt doomed
Doomed to be you and me
Everyone wonders how I manage
Well, so do I
If only my life could take on epic proportions
But, no, life is boring

At least I know what it is that I cannot bear
And the hope is that I will then avoid it
Itís hard to believe that none of it was my fault
I will lose my last friend because of my words

I am too tired to hate or love or feel other strong emotions
I just want to sit at your new grave and chain smoke
Killing myself slowly to be near you
I must remember that itís not you buried there
They call it remains.
What remains?

There are so many unanswered questions,
Bottles of wine and Smashing Pumpkins CDs
What couldnít you bear about life?
Is it the same thing that I canít bear?
I refuse to believe I am stronger than you.
Maybe just not as sick.

I am full of a blackness black as my lungs
Invisible but killing me nevertheless
And I have never been so alone
As I was when you took your life

3:58 a.m. - 2005-05-21

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