foxinsnow's Diaryland Diary

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Kevin

That time of darkness
That time of death
Death sings a sad song
Tonight
A song of longing

I could just sit at your grave and chain smoke, would that put an end to this?
Dead grass parched by the July sun
Whispering at my knees
As I sit there Indian style
not even the sound of a car going by
a bird rarely chirping
under that white yellow silent sun

I am going on with my life
But for awhile I felt doomed
Doomed to be you and me
Everyone wonders how I manage
Well, so do I
If only my life could take on epic proportions
But, no, life is boring

At least I know what it is that I cannot bear
And the hope is that I will then avoid it
It�s hard to believe that none of it was my fault
I will lose my last friend because of my words

I am too tired to hate or love or feel other strong emotions
I just want to sit at your new grave and chain smoke
Killing myself slowly to be near you
I must remember that it�s not you buried there
They call it remains.
What remains?

There are so many unanswered questions,
Bottles of wine and Smashing Pumpkins CDs
What couldn�t you bear about life?
Is it the same thing that I can�t bear?
I refuse to believe I am stronger than you.
Maybe just not as sick.

I am full of a blackness black as my lungs
Invisible but killing me nevertheless
And I have never been so alone
As I was when you took your life

3:58 a.m. - 2005-05-21

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