foxinsnow's Diaryland Diary

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summertime blues (already in April?)

I love samgrey! I know that link won't work NOW, but it will... I have faith in Andrew.

I plummetted into a pretty deep depression today. I think it was because i didn't eat properly all day, but, no... it started before that, last night with the nightmare about my cat losing his tail. I know that sounds funny, but it wasn't in the dream.

After the nightmare, I woke up and had a cigarette, then went back to bed. The alarm went off and I didn't get up. Then my mom came in and I asked for hot cocoa and she brought me some, so I had to get up to drink it. Then I forced myself to go to school. I got there a half hour late.

I've just had this nagging feeling of depression and unease all day... because it's nice out, it feels like the summertime blues. You know, that felling when everything, including time, is hot and sticky and going on and on forever. Like you're in a coma.

Sometimes I get overwhelmed by all the pain I've been through. arc-angel666 wrote me a really nice note yesterday, though.

Also, I spoke very briefly with Aaron tonight. He couldn't really talk, but it was sure good to hear his voice. I think I'm still in love with him. Do I really? Am I? Now there's a depressing thought...

i feel that if I had a boyfriend, my pain would go away. But I know that when I feel like this when I'm in a relationship, i just want out of the relationship. So that won't work. It worked for Siren, though. Maybe what I need is one of those boyfriend's who's also my best friend. I know: I need a best friend.

7:28 p.m. - 2005-04-11

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