foxinsnow's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- love I've been reading hothead. Two of her friends got married, and I guess for awhile they had to overcome huge obstacles to get to each other. So, love isn't always easy, and it doesn't always fall into your lap. Sometimes reading stuff like this makes me think I'll eventually marry Aaron. I'm actually pretty confused about that situation. He was my first boyfriend, my first love (unless you count my unrequited love for Michael), the first person I had sex with. And now we're really good friends... and even now, ten years later, that is the best relationship I've ever been in. The most meaningful, the one I put the most work into... but also, there was always a sense that things between us would never end, until they did. It wasn't like my other relationships where three weeks into it I could see the projectile of its downfall. So then, while I'm thinking all this, reality sets in. He's in love with and living with another woman in San Francisco who he's been with for years and is thinking of marrying. In order for me to want to be with him, I have to want his current relationship to fall apart, and that's not being a good friend. Also, is the fact that I was in love with someone ten years ago really a good reason to still want to be with him? There were a lot of problems. I can't stand arguing with him... I hate how he fixates on a point and drums it into my head for 45 minutes. We totally disagree on politics... he's a neo-conservative who supports the war and voted for George W. Bush in 2004. And yet I'm still clinging to ten years ago... I think that's the problem. I'm still clinging to ten years ago. I think that's been the problem ever since we broke up. It's time to start believing in love again. It's time to believe in other people. Nine years and two months (Aaron and I went out for ten months) is too long to be carrying a torch for someone who's moved on. I can do this. I can fall in love again. 5:50 a.m. - 2005-03-14 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||