foxinsnow's Diaryland Diary
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the future is a big big hole
My little brother (not the one in SF, the one who's in high school) just came home with a couple of his friends from a party. They're really drunk... they're playing Gold Eye. They kicked me off the third floor, and the only reason I wanted to hang out with them anyway is that I'm bored. Hanging out with a bunch of drunk high school boys is not my idea of a good time. Usually. But I do miss high school. The only thing I gave a fuck about was making whatever pictures and writing whatever I wanted to, and hanging out, sometimes partying, and having fun with friends. I had so many friends! My only regrets are that I didn't study harder and that I didn't try ecstasy. I also regret that I didn't take any photography classes at the Art Institute of Chicago or Columbia. Or go on a photography workshop. I can't do any drugs now because of the meds... but also just because now I have a diagnosed mental illness. I'm really glad I took acid twice. The most fun was mushrooms, though.
By my senior year in high school, I was pretty set on making myself miserable. Especially the summer before my freshman year at RISD, when I was getting fucked up every night with Tera, who I now know is evil. But, I'm still young... I need to make some new friends. Some new young friends. I'm doing that at school. It sucks that I'm still living with my parents, but you do what you gotta do. I don't really know where I'm going anymore. All I really think about or make plans about is my work. I date, but it never goes anywhere. I only had sex with one guy in 2004, and I haven't slept with anyone this year. Maybe I should have a one night stand. I don't know. it would probably just fuck me up. A guy on myspace wanted to be friends, but he was fat with a lazy eye and a Christian to boot. Here's my myspace picture:
1:01 a.m. - 2005-03-13
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