foxinsnow's Diaryland Diary

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\"...but, man, I wish I had a hand to hold\"

Today Iíve spent the whole day, and will spend the whole rest of the day, killing time. Even when I take pictures later, it will be killing time. Why is it just killing time? Because I am alone, and when I am alone all I really want to do is sleep, so these other things I do are killing time.

But if you kill time enough, youíll find that some of the things you do to kill time are wonderful and beneficial.

Iíve been reading Pema Chodron, who is a Tibetan Buddhist monk. It seems to me that the lesson at the heart of her teachings is: accept where you are, because where you are is wonderful, and only if you accept where you are can you truly change it.

Today I went for a walk. No headphones, no cameras, no notebooks; just me, alone. And I found myself at the muddy foot of a polluted ravine that Iíd struggled with a walking stick I found along the way to get to, on this cold, damp and overcast day. And I was alone.

And I just accepted that. ďHere I am,Ē I thought, ďon a cold, windy, damp, overcast day, at the muddy foot of a polluted ravine, and I am alone. And you you know what? Itís not so bad, because since thereís no one else here, no one will chastise me for throwing my cigarette butt into the ravine, and since itís polluted I wonít feel guilty either.Ē

Then I saw that I wasnít alone. Shrouded in the waterís pollution, a turtle had been watching me the whole time.

4:32 p.m. - 2004-08-28

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