foxinsnow's Diaryland Diary

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\"My Art is Better Than Your Art\" Part One

What made you decide to leave Columbia? I just feel so... stifled this semester. I don't know if i want to go into the "art world," or encourage other people to. It seems so full of ego and bull shit and not about... what i used to fantasize art was about in high school. Like integrity and vision and all that shit.

But there's one more thing: my mom keeps talking about school as something other than my boyfriend that gets me out of the house. I feel like I'm being put on trial every time I step into class or make small talk with a teacher. I know I'm not paying them to say, "Oh, you're so wonderful..." but, what am i paying them for? Surely not to babysit me against reclusivitivity, and to get structure in my days. i could get that at the Evanston Hospital day program. I don't think I'm using the program for what it's for. But, what is the program for?

I'm eternally on a meds change, it seems, and I'm on one now. If I were to get a job at a coffee shop, sure it would suck, but it would be less pressure. however, i realize I should wait a bit to make a decision. Maybe if I fail candidacy i'll take it as a sign and pack my bags.

This is why I want to know your reasons. Sure, i want to be a famous artist, but... isn't there a little more time for that than I'm allowing by grinding my way thru grad school now? and who needs grad school to be a famous artist anyway?

love,

elizabeth

5:49 a.m. - 2003-10-21

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